We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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