You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
