Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
