i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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