I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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