He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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