1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
