Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
