My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
