I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
