Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
