my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
