dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
