please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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