i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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