Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
