Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just puked most of my soul out..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
