That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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