six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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