We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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