i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
