so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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