We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
