sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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