Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
