to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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