I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I cockslap morals
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
