I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I stole a fireplace last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
