I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
