i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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