If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She said her name was "party"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
