I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
