I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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