I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
