I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
