I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
