I hate your face
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
