don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
