i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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