my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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