just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
