What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
