So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
