The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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