I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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