AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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