The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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