Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You pole danced in your parka.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
