What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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