meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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