The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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