Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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