Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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