And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
