What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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