I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
