It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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