I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
