well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
