He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
