No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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