Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
