My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
