then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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