Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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