i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
