My liver just broke up with me...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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