I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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