Please, let me fuck your mom
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
