lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
