I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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