we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
