Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
