dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
