also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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