Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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