On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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