i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
