I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
